I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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