my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
