About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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