i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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