I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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