How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
