onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
