Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
