Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
