when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
