he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
