I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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