Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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