They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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