Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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