so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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