living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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