it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
