woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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