What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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