finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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