i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
