she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
