Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
