she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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