My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
