Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
