Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
