Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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