I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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