I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
