This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
