You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
