My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
