Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
