if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
