well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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