i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
As shirtless as possible
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
