I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
