1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
