I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
