quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
