it's like iHOP with fire
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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