If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
