I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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