worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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