Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
