i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
