The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
