Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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