none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
