Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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