i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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