OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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