I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
