I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
