So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i believe in u and ur pee
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
