Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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