Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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