my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
