Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
