We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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