My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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