It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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