she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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