thus making me awesome and them whores
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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