I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
