So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
