so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
