Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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