she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looked like the before picture.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
