Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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