i don't like sucking hair
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
