So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
