Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
